Let's unlock your
relationship potential!
an online 5-week small-group coaching program
to speed up healing & build relationships that last
I see you over there.
You feel like your partner isn't emotionally available or dialed in to what you need.
It seems like every concession you try to make creates even more conflict.
You’re feeling lonely beyond belief, even though you interact regularly.
And when your partner is upset, you’ve tried everything you can think of to no avail.
and it's not for lack of trying.
You’ve shared your needs with your partner.
You’ve spent hours apart hoping things will calm down and heal with time.
You’ve spent enough time on the internet hunting for answers.
Leif
your group leader
When it comes to studying relationships, I am your nerd.
I navigate relationship tension with discernment and compassion.
My work helps you learn to catch your emotional-balance in those peak moments of distress.
LCSW, Emotionally-Focused Therapist, and Trainer with the Center for Nonviolent Communication.
shrink Shame
Couples come to me and think they're the only ones struggling, that all of the other couples are getting it right. And there's a lot of shame for them in that.
Contrary to popular belief
You don't have communication issues, you have emotional soothing challenges.
Poor communication is the symptom. Sure, you need to talk about bills, sex, parenting, and more, but those topics are totally manageable when they lie on a foundation of being seen, understood, valued, and validated.
The root issue is something called attachment insecurity - the underlying fear that we won't get the comfort and validation when we need it most.
Let's identify exactly how to create a relationship culture where we see and respond to each other's emotions so you can learn how to utilize them to get that connection you've been craving!
We live in an emotionally-illiterate culture, and it's not your fault! Your feelings, or your confusion about feelings and what to do with them, are welcome in my group.
For the past decade, I've noticed patterns.
I’ve been working in a 1:1 and 1:2 setting with people who were having the same experience you are: struggling to get to that emotionally secure place they were hungry for.
After several of these sessions, I started noticing patterns.
- One partner would press for closeness and complain about a lack of partnership.
- The other partner would withdraw and see the situation as “too much”.
- The more one partner would pursue the more the other partner would distance and vice versa, which left them with distorted views of their relationship potential.
- The pursuer was confident the problem was their withdrawing partner. The withdrawer was certain it was their critical and “over-emotional” partner.
How does it work?
This is a small-group program with limited seats. The first session and last session will include all members; sessions 2-4 you’ll be split into small groups of based on your attachment style.
You get grouped based on your attachment style so that you can talk to people who are in the same boat as you, and feel validated.
Attend weekly live 90-minute coaching calls so that these aren't just a few lessons that you learn but never apply.
Or watch course recordings: all calls are recorded because sometimes we just need to rinse and repeat.
Follow along in the SECURE workbook designed for this course and mailed to you so that you have a secure place to keep all of your insights.
Each class will include a mix of learning, silent reflection, in-class exercises, discussion and Q&A, and compassionate laser coaching to get direct tips you can implement right away.
Once I realized this defeat could be unfurled in a small group with others who have a similar coping style to them, I created this course and I saw results that were incredible!
“This course helped me to see my partner in whole new ways I had never seen in our 20 years together.”
Maureen, past participant
Introducing
SECURE LOVE
Why SECURE LOVE?
- You want professional coaching fashioned just for your coping style.
- A communication-only approach won't cut it. We both know you've tried!
- You want to be supported in a setting with other like-minded individuals.
This course will combine relationship science with some truths about our bodies' instinctual response systems as well as empowered communication essentials.
A clear image of what secure couples do will emerge as you learn my step-by-step SECURE framework to put it all together!
$802
or two payments of $401
price is per person
This course can be a North star on your relationship journey - a clear picture of what to aim for and what is possible in your relationship.
This is a live small-group coaching program to catapult you forward with directive leadership. It gives a step-by-step map to get you from lost to unlost in your conflicts.
We’ve had participants learn and implement the SECURE Framework, both alone and with a partner, and find success where they weren’t able to before.
You don’t need to be in a relationship to join, and if you are currently in a partnership, you don’t need your partner to enroll with you.
learn to apply what secure couples do
week one - the how
You'll learn how the real problem gets obscured, and how to focus on the essential relationship targets so that you can begin working in the areas that actually payoff.
week two - the body
You'll learn how to track your feelings at the bodily level so that you can untangle your danger cues, core beliefs, and mixed emotions in times of overwhelm.
week three - the attachment
You’ll learn how to put the ‘partner' in partnership, and how to shamelessly pinpoint your own bad behaviors so you can get movin' on that relationship security you crave!
week FOUR - the revision
You’ll learn what securely attached couples do, and how to apply my SECURE method to move from elevated or shutdown to safe and sound.
week five - the gathering
What you hear during when both groups come together will shock you! You will make much more sense to your partner and you'll naturally drift further away from the blame game.
FAQ
Do I need to enroll with my partner?
No. You alone are enough! You do not need to be in a relationship or to have your partner with you to participate.
my Life is busy. what happens if I miss a session?
We strongly encourage you to attend all sessions, but we understand life happens. All sessions will be recorded to re-watch as needed, but no make-up classes will be available if you miss a session live.
If this session’s times don’t work for you, we encourage you to sign up for a future round that better suits your schedule.
What is your refund policy?
No refunds or partial refunds will be given within 10 days of the start of your course. Go ahead and double-check your calendar before enrolling!
do you offer discounts?
Yes, we do. There are a limited number of spots at a reduced rate. Please only apply if you could not do the program otherwise. Send your requests to hello@leifstringer.com
I’ve tried couples therapy with my partner in the past. how is this different?
In therapy, your therapist must slow down the process and prioritize making space for you to feel what you normally don’t let yourself feel.
Here you will be grouped with individuals who get through difficult relationship moments in similar ways to you. There is power in being with people who automatically understand you. In this group you get specific action steps on how to move forward and follow through on your goals. You can vent safely as well as learn from each other.
This is mostly a learning environment so sharpen your pencil to capture some invaluable dos and don'ts.
What are some reasonable expectations of this course?
You can expect to walk away with a mindset shift, some micro hope, realistic targets to practice, a paradigm shift on how to see reactivity overall, a system to draw connective lines between your emotions and, well, everything else, and validation for your position in your relationship. This course gives participants a north star of sorts - something to shoot for. It depicts a clear picture of what is possible and what securely attached couples do.
Here's what others are saying
“It was helpful beyond description to hear other people of different ages and gender describe the exact emotions I feel when triggered. It made me feel more normal and less alone. I also now better understand the impact that my withdrawing has on my partner. I feel confident that I can better recognize when I am withdrawing and why."
past participant
“I feel more informed about my reactive patterns, my partner’s patterns, and why we all developed these different patterns. I am more accepting of our differences and myself (knowing I’m not alone in my ways). I feel more hopeful about feeling connected in our relationship.”
past participant
love is the movement
© Leif Stringer
Consumer Testimonials Disclaimer
This is not a fix-your-relationship-in-five-weeks plan. The results will vary depending on several factors and cannot be guaranteed. The testimonials provided here are real and valid and are from actual participants in SECURE’s online program but cannot be directly and equally translated into your situation. Not all relationships succeed. Not all relationships are meant to go where you think they are. This offering is an education tool to be applied in repetition, but results are not guaranteed. Though he wishes to be a magical wizard, Leif is a clinician and a human.